- Ferocious
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- Nov 07, 2020
Funny Quotes
Everyday humor, seen through a few different lenses.
This collection finds humor in ordinary places, from a parent delighted by how funny children naturally are to a musician writing entire songs around invented funny characters. For sharper one-liners, see Jokes.
- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- Job
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- Nov 07, 2020
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
- Exuberant
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- Nov 07, 2020
Relaxing at home in his 55th-floor condominium before a game, Sammy Sosa is the same as at the ball park: focused but funny, exuberant but reserved. He is in a strange country, conversing in two languages, but his every movement displays a combination of confidence and humility.
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.
- Bill Cosby
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- Nov 07, 2020
I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color.
- Dream
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- Nov 07, 2020
I dream of acting with Kevin Costner. I would love to do a movie with him. Not something funny, but a dramatic role.
- Day
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- Nov 07, 2020
Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm not funny in person. I mean I'm really not. I'm one of those people who always screw up anecdotes.
- Like
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- Nov 07, 2020
I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place.
- Nothing
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- Nov 07, 2020
In a funny way, nothing makes you feel more like a native of your own country than to live where nearly everyone is not.
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I'm in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can't seem to come up with anything new that's funny. That's a tough place to be as a comedian.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it's that same fear.
- Observe
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- Nov 07, 2020
My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.
- Life
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- Nov 07, 2020
You know, it wasn't even that I'm a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I'd be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.
- Down
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- Nov 07, 2020