- Nov 07, 2020
Joke Quotes
What comedians say about making people laugh.
Several quotes here come from people who make a living off timing, including one who admits to softening blunt criticism by wrapping it in humor first, describing it like a cut followed by a few stitches. Another describes the frustrating double standard where the exact same line lands only when a man delivers it.
- Last Updated on Aug 03, 2026
- Person
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- Nov 07, 2020
My family joke that I'm really a very senior person who accidentally happens to be 11.
- Night
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- Nov 07, 2020
Basically, we used to have a rule at 'Saturday Night Live' that you're not allowed to bring up 'The Simpsons' at the rewrite table, because 'The Simpsons' has done every joke there is. Every week there would be guys going, 'The Simpsons did that.' I go, 'C'mon.' And 'South Park,' too.
- Company
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- Nov 07, 2020
My first joke was about a company called Five Star Parking that was all over Philadelphia: 'Who's reviewing parking lots?'
- Management
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- Nov 07, 2020
ICG became a dot-com joke, a one-stock example of extreme hubris on the part of its management and the investment bankers and sell-side analysts who embarrassed themselves by pumping it up.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
The world was not supportive. They look at me as a joke for 13 to 14 years until I could prove feasibility; then I had competitors. Those that laughed at me became my competitors.
- I Am
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- Nov 07, 2020
It's almost a joke how good I am at charades. Not to pat my own back, but I'm literally - I'm kind of unstoppable.
- Say
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- Nov 07, 2020
When someone says, 'I recognize you,' I'll say, 'Congratulations on having a TV.' It's a little joke.
- I Am
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- Nov 07, 2020
I am a ham, I like to joke around.
- Nothing
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- Nov 07, 2020
A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.
- Laugh
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- Nov 07, 2020
I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're laughing.
- Music
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- Nov 07, 2020
Venom was a joke in the '80s, their heavy metal music sucked big time, and I really have no interest in them - not then, not now.
- Friends
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- Nov 07, 2020
My dad is a really funny guy, and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come over, we would joke about it, too.
- Neighbor
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- Nov 07, 2020
In Europe, they travel a lot lighter. I always joke that my Indonesian passengers bring their house and their neighbor's house.
- Never
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- Nov 07, 2020