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Rita Rudner Quotes

Most Famous Rita Rudner Quotes of All Time!

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Last Updated on May 30, 2021

Love
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Nov 07, 2020

I found out I had a real love for comedy and comedy writing. The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

Money
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Nov 07, 2020

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

Comedy
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Nov 07, 2020

I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren't many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I'll just try comedy. And I loved it.

Birthday Party
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Nov 07, 2020

I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.

Catalogue
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Nov 07, 2020

While I do occasionally order items on the Internet, it's hard to teach an old shopper new tricks. I'm convinced that the catalogue will eventually disappear, but not until the last baby boomers have kicked off their smelly Nikes and been buried in mulch.

Favorite
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Nov 07, 2020

Stand-up is my favorite thing I've ever done. There's so much independence.

Body
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Nov 07, 2020

You are always trying to please people before you get to the public whenever you do anything that requires a corporate body to sanction it.

Love
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Nov 07, 2020

I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to the audience.

Life
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Nov 07, 2020

Barbie ruined my life! It's a really bad image for women. For a long time I thought I was deformed - because my heels didn't touch the ground. I was walking around on tiptoes. What's up with that? I think that it's a bad thing for a woman to try to emulate.

Going
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Nov 07, 2020

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

Pet
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Nov 07, 2020

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Love
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Nov 07, 2020

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Life
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Nov 07, 2020

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Marriage
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Nov 07, 2020

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Men
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Nov 07, 2020

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Nov 07, 2020

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Life
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Nov 07, 2020

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

He
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Nov 07, 2020

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

Men
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Nov 07, 2020

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

Man
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Nov 07, 2020

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

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