- Job
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Phyllis Diller Quotes
Most Famous Phyllis Diller Quotes of All Time!
We have created a collection of some of the best phyllis-diller quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. Share our Top 10 Phyllis Diller Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- Mother-In-Law
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
- Children
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
- New
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
- Nov 07, 2020
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.
- Never
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
- Lady
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
- Like
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
- Business
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
- Funny
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
- End
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
- Nov 07, 2020
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
- Life
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.
- Father
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
- How
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience.
- Me
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
- Funny
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Everything
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
- High
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
- Eighteen
- |
- Nov 07, 2020