- Funny
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- Nov 07, 2020
George Carlin Quotes
Most Famous George Carlin Quotes of All Time!
We have created a collection of some of the best george-carlin quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. Share our Top 10 George Carlin Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
- Born
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- Nov 07, 2020
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
- don't Care
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- Nov 07, 2020
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
- Next
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- Nov 07, 2020
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
- Beat
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- Nov 07, 2020
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
- Enough Money
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- Nov 07, 2020
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
- Nov 07, 2020
The status quo sucks.
- Forecast
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- Nov 07, 2020
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
- Funny
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- Nov 07, 2020
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
- Long
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- Nov 07, 2020
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
- Death
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- Nov 07, 2020
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
- Believe
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- Nov 07, 2020
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- Doctor
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- Nov 07, 2020
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
- Break
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
- Day
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- Nov 07, 2020
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
- Light
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- Nov 07, 2020
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
- Eulogy
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
- Far
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- Nov 07, 2020
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
- Memories
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- Nov 07, 2020
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
- Family
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- Nov 07, 2020
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
- Death
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
- Never
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- Nov 07, 2020
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
- Fire
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- Nov 07, 2020
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
- Nov 07, 2020
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
- Mean
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- Nov 07, 2020
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
- Idiot
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- Nov 07, 2020
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- Think
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- Nov 07, 2020