- Long
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Elayne Boosler Quotes
Most Famous Elayne Boosler Quotes of All Time!
We have created a collection of some of the best elayne-boosler quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. Share our Top 10 Elayne Boosler Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- Me
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper.
- East Coast
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.
- Outside
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.
- Men
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I don't categorize myself. I don't think I'm perceived as a female act by my audience. My fans include just as many men as women.
- Job
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
- Cards
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I just get the feeling that if Jesse Helms was in charge of art in America, you'd go into a museum and see nothing but prints of dogs playing cards.
- Game
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?
- Cute
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.
- Call
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.
- Funny
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
- Great
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?
- Born
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
- Me
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
- Morals
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
- Men
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
- Person
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
- Key
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.
- Man
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.
- Lost
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
- Night
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying.
- Men
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
- Able
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.
- Live
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.
- I Am
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.
- Deposit
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'
- Good
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.
- Like
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'
- Day
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for years in little clubs, then you got your big break and became a star.
- Been
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I've never been able to write for stand-up.
- Get Married
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.
- People
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.
- Jewish
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.
- Funny
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.
- Francisco
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.
- Equal Opportunity
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.
- Disturb
- |
- Nov 07, 2020