- Funny
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Dennis Miller Quotes
Most Famous Dennis Miller Quotes of All Time!
We have created a collection of some of the best dennis-miller quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. Share our Top 10 Dennis Miller Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- More
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
- Global
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
- Being Used
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
- Lying
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
- Plan
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
- Average
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.
- Money
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
- Guilt
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
- Hollywood
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.
- Good
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
- He
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.
- Business
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign.
- Me
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.
- Money
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on.
- New
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.
- Rude
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I lapsed into rude.
- Me
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.
- Man
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.
- Office
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.
- Only
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
- Job
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
- Know
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
- More
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.
- Hair
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
- Like
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
- Credibility
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian.
- Country
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
- Country
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.
- Make
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.
- Education
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.
- He
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.
- Most
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
- My Life
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about Democrats or Republicans. She thought about who made sense. I've been both in my life.
- Me
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years.
- Me
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
- Lived
- |
- Nov 07, 2020