- Cool
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- Nov 07, 2020
Ari Shaffir Quotes
Most Famous Ari Shaffir Quotes of All Time!
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- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- I Was Raised
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm a cultural Jew, I was raised with it, so I'm still into it, like gefilte fish with kugel.
- Food
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- Nov 07, 2020
Being Jewish is a culture and a religion; we have food, music, and land specific to us.
- Crazy
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- Nov 07, 2020
One thing I hate in ethnic comedy is giving the audience the opportunity to laugh in a racist way at a thing. A lot of times dwarf comedians will do that, Arab comics, and gay comics will do it; everyone is laughing, but they're not laughing at the joke, they're laughing at this crazy character.
- Comedy
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- Nov 07, 2020
My CD, my first release, was at the Comedy Works in Denver, one of the best clubs in the country.
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
Get out of people's way and let them be who they are. If they make a mistake, fine, that's on them.
- Nov 07, 2020
I want to do a travel book.
- Lost
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- Nov 07, 2020
I get lost a lot.
- Nov 07, 2020
I think you're a comedian as soon as you start. I don't think there's a moment where you become a full comic.
- Parents
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- Nov 07, 2020
I lived with my parents until I was 25.
- How
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm like an overgrown child! I don't know how to do anything!
- Jew
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- Nov 07, 2020
I grew up so conservative. I grew up as an orthodox Jew.
- Game
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- Nov 07, 2020
I don't vote and I don't follow who's trying to rule us. The revolution is coming. Until then, I'll just watch 'Game of Thrones.'
- Award
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- Nov 07, 2020
I got an award for Most Improved Player for volleyball in tenth grade that I cared about a lot.
- Giving
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- Nov 07, 2020
I have a running daydream about winning an Oscar and giving my speech about how ridiculous it is to rank art. And then I'd call them all sycophants and leave the statue at the podium as I walked away.
- Free
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- Nov 07, 2020
The only threat is a growing pushback from militant liberals who seek to destroy free expression as they look to limit the speech of anyone who has feelings they find objectionable. It makes comics tentative to push boundaries and freely talk about the thoughts in their heads. That part is terrible for development.
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
When people tell me to do a clean show, I'm like, 'Guys, I don't even understand your thoughts anymore.' What, you can't say a curse word? Nobody thinks that way!
- Home
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- Nov 07, 2020
The Comedy Store is my home!
- Nov 07, 2020
The worst is when you bomb and when you bomb in front of someone you're trying to impress. That's the worst.
- Like
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- Nov 07, 2020
Figure out a way to get back onstage because once you do it a few times you'll get over it. Unless it's like a clinical thing. I don't know about clinical like stage fright, that might be worse than what I'm talking about. But if it's normal stage fright get over it.
- Memory
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- Nov 07, 2020
Marc Maron yells at people. I have a memory of him yelling at Jonah Ray from offstage about something he was saying, just fun stuff.
- Next
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- Nov 07, 2020
As long as you have your own apartment and you can pretty much make rent for the next year, you're golden!
- Father
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- Nov 07, 2020
My father said that I was lower than a dog, because even a dog believes in God.
- Funny
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- Nov 07, 2020
Sometimes I start off shows by explaining to people that it's just a bunch of stories - I always say 'It's like standup, just less funny.'
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
Very rarely are you going to see a story about a comic winning a fight. Yeah we're all degenerates in some way and we're all awful people, so we just show our weaknesses.
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
That anonymity that comes with talking in front of a crowd of people you've never met allows you to reveal anything, because you don't really have to associate with any one of them.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
When Joe Rogan started his podcasts he'd have me, Joe Diaz, and all our friends help him for the first few. And I told him 'Dude, no one will listen to audio that's over an hour long. You've got to end it at 59:59 or less.' And I was way wrong.
- Death
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- Nov 07, 2020
I used to get a lot of death threats. After a while I realized that no one's gonna do anything or they would've.
- Just
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- Nov 07, 2020
Laughs, just laughs. It's the only motivation of a comic.
- Like
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- Nov 07, 2020
Bill Burr, Freddy Soto, Joe Rogan, Tom Segura… those people influenced me a lot more than any of the older guys like Richard Pryor.
- Dream
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- Nov 07, 2020
I worked for the Comedy Store as an employee trying to become a paid regular. I had this dream of achieving a half hour special on TV.
- Good
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- Nov 07, 2020
Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, ‘Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at a dining hall at the University of Maryland.' That's when I realized I was contrived. I was reciting jokes. So I really worked on - no matter what - sounding like I was just talking to the people.
- Getting
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- Nov 07, 2020
Once I started getting more successful, I just stopped caring completely - ‘I'll just do exactly what I want. It doesn't matter.'
- Painting
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- Nov 07, 2020
You just gotta record stuff and move on and make new material. Painters don't wait until they're in some specific gallery before they move on to the next painting.
- God
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- Nov 07, 2020
The fact that I didn't believe in God was something that I just didn't consider. And then when I did, it was like, 'Oh yeah, I'm out.'
- Good Grades
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- Nov 07, 2020
I never had good grades until I dropped out of religion. And then suddenly, my grades went up.
- Life
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- Nov 07, 2020
The biggest thing I lost when I left religion was that sense of community and the culture. It was an unexpected kind of free-falling. When I was in it, I didn't understand how much the community was a part of my life.
- I Am
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm not as much a fan of the venues as I am the comics who inhabit them. I don't care if it's a bomb shelter, a bus, or a theater, if I'm watching somebody who makes me laugh, I'm down.
- Hate
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- Nov 07, 2020
I genuinely like haggis. Everybody told me I was supposed to hate it, but I really did enjoy it.
- Friends
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm pretty much only friends with comedians.
- Hands
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm a bit of an introvert, so after talking for an hour and then shaking hands and taking pictures with the people who came out, I kind of need to be alone for a bit to get away from all stimuli.
- Hate
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- Nov 07, 2020
I hate being rejected.
- Everyone
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- Nov 07, 2020
Everyone in L.A. talks about getting an agent or a manager in terms of getting on a sitcom or getting on a movie or doing something else.
- I Am
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- Nov 07, 2020
I know how lazy I am. So if I have to go somewhere else I can't get to easily, I talk myself out of it.
- Doing
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- Nov 07, 2020
I love doing my podcast, but it's not my art form. I don't have to work on it. It's off the cuff.
- I Can
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- Nov 07, 2020
If I focus solely on developing new material, then I can get a new 45 minute to an hour in about six months. Then I'll work on it and work on it and can make it killer within another six months or so.
- Never
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- Nov 07, 2020
Failing is part of my process. A new bit never works the first time. I figure I have to bomb 7 times to make it good. So I tweak it.
- Good Thing
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- Nov 07, 2020