- Garbage
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- Nov 07, 2020
Woody Allen Quotes
Most Famous Woody Allen Quotes of All Time!
We have created a collection of some of the best woody-allen quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. Share our Top 10 Woody Allen Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- Nov 07, 2020
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
- Man
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- Nov 07, 2020
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
- Showing Up
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- Nov 07, 2020
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Hope
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- Nov 07, 2020
Marriage is the death of hope.
- Happy
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- Nov 07, 2020
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
- Education
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- Nov 07, 2020
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
- Nov 07, 2020
I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
- He
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- Nov 07, 2020
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
- Death
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- Nov 07, 2020
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
- Government
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- Nov 07, 2020
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
- I Am
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- Nov 07, 2020
I am two with nature.
- Nothing
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- Nov 07, 2020
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
- Nov 07, 2020
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
- Good
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- Nov 07, 2020
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
- Money
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- Nov 07, 2020
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
- Better
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- Nov 07, 2020
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
- Dessert
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- Nov 07, 2020
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
- Most
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- Nov 07, 2020
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
- Here
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- Nov 07, 2020
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
- I Am
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- Nov 07, 2020
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
- Nature
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- Nov 07, 2020
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
- Percent
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- Nov 07, 2020
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
- Home
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- Nov 07, 2020
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
- Nov 07, 2020
Tradition is the illusion of permanance.
- Our
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- Nov 07, 2020
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
- Doing
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- Nov 07, 2020
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
- Peace
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- Nov 07, 2020
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
- God
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- Nov 07, 2020
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- Dead
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
- Next
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- Nov 07, 2020
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
- Funny
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- Nov 07, 2020
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Funny
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- Nov 07, 2020
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
- My Own
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
- Grandfather
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
- Bad
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- Nov 07, 2020
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Done
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- Nov 07, 2020
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
- Evening
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- Nov 07, 2020
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
- Frozen
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- Nov 07, 2020
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
- Illusion
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- Nov 07, 2020
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
- Luck
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- Nov 07, 2020
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
- God
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- Nov 07, 2020
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
- Moral
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- Nov 07, 2020
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
- Place
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- Nov 07, 2020
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
- Laugh
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- Nov 07, 2020
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
- Horrible
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- Nov 07, 2020
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
- Loneliness
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- Nov 07, 2020
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
- Crime
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- Nov 07, 2020
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
- Oneness
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- Nov 07, 2020
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
- Funny
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- Nov 07, 2020