- Been
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- Nov 07, 2020
Wife Quotes
The partner who shapes everyday life.
Some of these come from people speaking plainly about who they married, others push back on how 'wife' gets used as a flat character label. For romantic Hindi verse instead, see our Shayari collection.
- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- Myself
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- Nov 07, 2020
The key to a happy marriage is myself being absent for long periods of time. My wife Leesa and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary next year, but if my comedy gigs petered out and I was around the house more, we'd 100% be getting divorced.
- Reading
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- Nov 07, 2020
I was reading through endless junk scripts that were being sent my way. Typically the roles were to play his wife or his girlfriend - leading roles for women were few and far between.
- Beard
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- Nov 07, 2020
When I was presenting 'Animal Hospital,' the grey started to creep into my beard and moustache. I used my wife's mascara to darken it.
- Good
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- Nov 07, 2020
I will never shave off my beard and moustache. I did once, for charity, but my wife said, 'Good grief, how awful, you look like an American car with all the chrome removed.'
- Like
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- Nov 07, 2020
A 527 doesn't have a wife. It doesn't have a brother-in-law who knows a lot about politics, or a union president who calls and doesn't like the color of the suit, or bimbo eruptions. It's the perfect candidate, because it has no personal characteristics.
- Nov 07, 2020
I love being a troubadour. I travel around the world with my wife and play little theaters. We have a ball.
- Day
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- Nov 07, 2020
I didn't really enjoy reading until I married my wife and we began reading the Bible out loud to each other every day. I enjoy reading now, and there is a whole world of books out there to explore.
- Jealousy
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- Nov 07, 2020
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
- Go
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- Nov 07, 2020
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
- Night
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- Nov 07, 2020
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
- Birds
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- Nov 07, 2020
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020