- Modeling
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- Nov 07, 2020
Whitney Cummings Quotes
Most Famous Whitney Cummings Quotes of All Time!
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- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- Goals
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- Nov 07, 2020
I guess the verdict is in - I am not a sociopath. It's not effective or productive not to be nice. It would undermine the goals I want to achieve on any given day.
- Man
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- Nov 07, 2020
I remember my agent at ICM at the beginning of my career telling me that I wasn't pretty enough, that I was always going to be a quirky sidekick. And he was an ogre of a man. He should have been carrying a torch. If he was in a bar, he couldn't have come near me, and then he was deciding my fate.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
After school, I'd wait for someone to pick me up and no one would, so I'd be like, 'I guess I'll walk home.' I had to be a hustler, because nobody did anything for me.
- Face
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- Nov 07, 2020
I don't want to look at myself - ever. All I see is that my face is a problem. It's asymmetrical. I get terrible bags under my eyes.
- Kind
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm kind of emotionally dyslexic, and when I feel vulnerable or nervous, I laugh.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
I wasn't one of those kids who stole Richard Pryor records. I wasn't a comedy-nerd kid. I had no concept of stand-up. Actually, the only inkling of stand-up I had was I read one of Paul Reiser's books when I was, like, 12. I found it at a yard sale, and I carried it around with me for six years.
- Moment
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- Nov 07, 2020
I had a moment where I was onstage once... As a comedian, you just think, 'Be funny as possible all the time - like, funny at all costs - jokes, jokes, jokes.' That's how my mentality was.
- Dangerous Place
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- Nov 07, 2020
The most dangerous place I've ever performed standup is in my home state of California.
- Like
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- Nov 07, 2020
Being known doesn't get you anywhere; it just makes the bar and the expectations higher, especially if the venue wants to charge a certain ticket price because you're known. So people are like, 'I paid $60 to see you, and you're on TV'.
- Fun
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- Nov 07, 2020
I've been making fun of Donald Trump - we all have - for 10 years, and just bringing up his name... I mean, even if you're supportive of Donald Trump, there's still a lot to make fun of.
- Never
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- Nov 07, 2020
In my business, you have so many things going at once - TV shows, projects, movies - and sometimes, things never actually come to fruition.
- Funny
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- Nov 07, 2020
I feel really trapped as a comedian - someone who is supposed to be funny and light, making jokes all the time. But I'm actually in this inauthentic armor.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
I wrote a 'Lenny Letter' on a whim, and it felt indulgent, but people came up to me with tears in their eyes saying, 'Thank you.' There's so much shame about mental illness in our country and so many stereotypes about women being 'crazy' or 'psycho.'
- Hide
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- Nov 07, 2020
We're socially constructed to hide our flaws, and that breeds pain for a lot of people.
- Only
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- Nov 07, 2020
Stand-up. It's the only place I'm comfortable.
- Bad
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- Nov 07, 2020
The indie movie world is like a bad Tinder date, and there are always strings attached.
- Look
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- Nov 07, 2020
One of the big conversations I'm trying to have onstage right now is that to be pro-woman, you don't have to be anti-man. Saying all men suck makes you look like an idiot. And it's not helpful.
- Negativity
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- Nov 07, 2020
I have a theory, which is that the idea of a roast is to go to this forbidden, uncomfortable, almost performance-art-level shock place, but because we're so regularly shocked and offended today, the idea of an hour and a half of unbridled negativity is just so unappealing.
- Notes
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- Nov 07, 2020
Being on the plane is my catch-up time. I write thank-you notes. I read. I write stand-up jokes.
- Frustration
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- Nov 07, 2020
For writing stand-up, I have to have a little bit of anger and frustration to be motivated to do it. Stand-up, for me, comes from kind of a hostile engine.
- Light
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- Nov 07, 2020
When a lot of people are distrusting the news they watch, comedians are stepping up talking about things that most people are too afraid to talk about, shining light on problems nobody else will admit, whether it's Samantha Bee or John Oliver or Trevor Noah.
- Justice
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- Nov 07, 2020
Comedians are obsessed with justice and the truth.
- Inside
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- Nov 07, 2020
My body is not supportive of my career. My body has other plans for me. My body's plan is to slowly rot from the inside. By the time I'm ready to have kids, it's not going to be viable to do that.
- Day
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- Nov 07, 2020
I used to put on spray tan, like, three times a day, and it just looked like there was a terrible accident in my bed at all times... it looked like a crime scene.
- Getting Older
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- Nov 07, 2020
In the entertainment industry, there is this fear of getting older, because we have high definition television now, and you can see things that the human eye can't even pick up. But the good thing about standup is that the older you get, the funnier you get.
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
I am excited to show people how, when you get older, you get deeper, you get more raw, you get more honest, and you stop pretending to be the person you think people want you to be. I stopped worrying about what people wanted me to say and just sort of dug deep into my personal arsenal of my mistakes and shameful thoughts.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
Sometimes the funnier you are, the more vulnerable and scared you are underneath it all. So I think, for me, comedy was always a defense. It was a weapon so that you can't hurt me.
- Body Image
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- Nov 07, 2020
For me, my body image struggle started very young. All that I heard from my mother, my aunts, and my mom's friends was, 'I gotta lose five pounds.' At 5 years old, I learned a size 2 is not thin enough. It was, 'Don't eat carbs! Don't eat sugar! Drink Diet Coke! You always diet!' So that was engrained in my brain at a very early age.
- Day
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- Nov 07, 2020
I was joking the other day about how my real life feels like a TV show, and my TV life feels real - because, to be on Thursday nights on NBC, which is what I grew up with, has been such a big part of inspiring me. To be part of that tradition is really completely surreal, and I'm so grateful.
- Amazing
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- Nov 07, 2020
I think that we're in a really amazing time, where there are really a lot of really fantastic female actresses and comedians. I imagine there's just a lot of opportunity for women to have powerful roles. Or it's just that there's more women writing TV. Women tend to maybe write strong women.
- Experience
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- Nov 07, 2020
I feel like, in a lot of shows where the woman is in charge, the woman is this ball buster and the guy is sort of weak and spineless. And that's never been my experience in a relationship. I think it's much more interesting that the guy is the boss. And there are stakes.
- Men
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- Nov 07, 2020
I don't think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the 'Comedy Central Roasts' for a while, and I always wrote the jokes that people assumed the men would write.
- Go
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- Nov 07, 2020