Top 10 Whitney Cummings Quotes

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Last Updated on May 30, 2021

Modeling
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Nov 07, 2020

I did some pretty embarrassing modeling, like catalogs and QVC. I know there's probably a stereotype where all pretty girls think they're unattractive, but modeling is the worst thing for your self-esteem, because you're never pretty enough, you're never thin enough.

Goals
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Nov 07, 2020

I guess the verdict is in - I am not a sociopath. It's not effective or productive not to be nice. It would undermine the goals I want to achieve on any given day.

Man
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Nov 07, 2020

I remember my agent at ICM at the beginning of my career telling me that I wasn't pretty enough, that I was always going to be a quirky sidekick. And he was an ogre of a man. He should have been carrying a torch. If he was in a bar, he couldn't have come near me, and then he was deciding my fate.

Me
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Nov 07, 2020

After school, I'd wait for someone to pick me up and no one would, so I'd be like, 'I guess I'll walk home.' I had to be a hustler, because nobody did anything for me.

Face
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Nov 07, 2020

I don't want to look at myself - ever. All I see is that my face is a problem. It's asymmetrical. I get terrible bags under my eyes.

Kind
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Nov 07, 2020

I'm kind of emotionally dyslexic, and when I feel vulnerable or nervous, I laugh.

Me
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Nov 07, 2020

I wasn't one of those kids who stole Richard Pryor records. I wasn't a comedy-nerd kid. I had no concept of stand-up. Actually, the only inkling of stand-up I had was I read one of Paul Reiser's books when I was, like, 12. I found it at a yard sale, and I carried it around with me for six years.

Moment
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Nov 07, 2020

I had a moment where I was onstage once... As a comedian, you just think, 'Be funny as possible all the time - like, funny at all costs - jokes, jokes, jokes.' That's how my mentality was.

Best Friend
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Nov 07, 2020

I'd love to be Katherine Heigl's best friend in a movie!

Dangerous Place
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Nov 07, 2020

The most dangerous place I've ever performed standup is in my home state of California.

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