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Chris Gethard Quotes

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Last Updated on May 30, 2021

Character
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Nov 07, 2020

I think so often about how, when I was starting out at UCB, Conan O'Brien was in town, and on his show back then, they sometimes did character bits, and I started getting paid to dress up as a page or a Dutch boy on his show.

Love
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Nov 07, 2020

I remember the people who mentored me, and I just love being able to do that for other people.

Feeling
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Nov 07, 2020

I just really remember the feeling of being a younger comedian who was kind of an outlier for being experimental and weird and how that could feel lonely or hopeless.

Conquer
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Nov 07, 2020

I think Carmen Christopher is going to be massively huge. He's just too funny. He's got funny in his bones, and he wants to conquer every room.

Drive
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Nov 07, 2020

Cops are everywhere in New York City. Cars drive by every few minutes. Uniforms stand nonchalantly at street corners.

City
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Nov 07, 2020

Cops in New York City don't have the best reputation. It's a fast-paced city, and they deal with a lot, and many people have seen lots of cops interact with the public utilizing what can be gently called 'not the best customer service.'

Past
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Nov 07, 2020

Anyone who's ever been around an emergency in Manhattan realizes that there are plainclothes officers on these streets walking past us more than we ever realize.

Nov 07, 2020

Anyone who lives in N.Y.C. will tell you that getting into a confrontation on a city street is a complete nightmare 100 percent of the time.

Like
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Nov 07, 2020

I do not like confrontations in New York City.

Feel
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Nov 07, 2020

I classify myself as a comedian, but I'm one of those comedians who also acts so that I can split the difference and feel insecure about both.

Exactly
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Nov 07, 2020

I'm not exactly Don Draper when it comes to physical attractiveness.

Eyes
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Nov 07, 2020

I don't think I'm ugly per se, but on bad days, I have been told that I look like the monster from 'The Hills Have Eyes.' That was extremely confidence-shattering, so I try to take care of myself.

Looking
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Nov 07, 2020

When I really have it together, I think I successfully pull off looking like the exact middle point between Macklemore and Ron Howard, only with a much bigger forehead than either of them.

Dating
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Nov 07, 2020

If you are dating someone in New York City, and they invite you over to watch a movie, they don't really want to watch a movie.

New
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Nov 07, 2020

No one in New York hangs out in their apartments.

At Least One
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Nov 07, 2020

In 2002, I was taking an improv class because, as a white male with glasses who was born between 1978 and 1994, it's legally required that I take at least one improv class in my life.

Jersey
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Nov 07, 2020

I'm a dummy from New Jersey.

Darkness
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Nov 07, 2020

I will never forget what happened on August 14, 2003. I know the exact sequence of where I was for every moment of that evening. It was a tragic day, and it's burned into my memory. Many people might remember that date, vaguely, as the date of the infamous eastern seaboard blackout that plunged all of New York City into darkness.

New
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Nov 07, 2020

By August of 2003, I had graduated from Rutgers, gone through a stretch of living at my parents' house, and wound up sharing an apartment with a college friend of mine in Montclair, New Jersey.

Fake
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Nov 07, 2020

Bits are fake conversations comedians have because they are uncomfortable being vulnerable with other human beings in any way.

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