- Character
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- Nov 07, 2020
Chris Gethard Quotes
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- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- Love
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- Nov 07, 2020
I remember the people who mentored me, and I just love being able to do that for other people.
- Feeling
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- Nov 07, 2020
I just really remember the feeling of being a younger comedian who was kind of an outlier for being experimental and weird and how that could feel lonely or hopeless.
- Conquer
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- Nov 07, 2020
I think Carmen Christopher is going to be massively huge. He's just too funny. He's got funny in his bones, and he wants to conquer every room.
- Drive
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- Nov 07, 2020
Cops are everywhere in New York City. Cars drive by every few minutes. Uniforms stand nonchalantly at street corners.
- City
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- Nov 07, 2020
Cops in New York City don't have the best reputation. It's a fast-paced city, and they deal with a lot, and many people have seen lots of cops interact with the public utilizing what can be gently called 'not the best customer service.'
- Past
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- Nov 07, 2020
Anyone who's ever been around an emergency in Manhattan realizes that there are plainclothes officers on these streets walking past us more than we ever realize.
- Like
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- Nov 07, 2020
I do not like confrontations in New York City.
- Feel
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- Nov 07, 2020
I classify myself as a comedian, but I'm one of those comedians who also acts so that I can split the difference and feel insecure about both.
- Eyes
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- Nov 07, 2020
I don't think I'm ugly per se, but on bad days, I have been told that I look like the monster from 'The Hills Have Eyes.' That was extremely confidence-shattering, so I try to take care of myself.
- Looking
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- Nov 07, 2020
When I really have it together, I think I successfully pull off looking like the exact middle point between Macklemore and Ron Howard, only with a much bigger forehead than either of them.
- Dating
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- Nov 07, 2020
If you are dating someone in New York City, and they invite you over to watch a movie, they don't really want to watch a movie.
- New
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- Nov 07, 2020
No one in New York hangs out in their apartments.
- At Least One
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- Nov 07, 2020
In 2002, I was taking an improv class because, as a white male with glasses who was born between 1978 and 1994, it's legally required that I take at least one improv class in my life.
- Jersey
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm a dummy from New Jersey.
- Darkness
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- Nov 07, 2020
I will never forget what happened on August 14, 2003. I know the exact sequence of where I was for every moment of that evening. It was a tragic day, and it's burned into my memory. Many people might remember that date, vaguely, as the date of the infamous eastern seaboard blackout that plunged all of New York City into darkness.
- New
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- Nov 07, 2020
By August of 2003, I had graduated from Rutgers, gone through a stretch of living at my parents' house, and wound up sharing an apartment with a college friend of mine in Montclair, New Jersey.
- Fake
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- Nov 07, 2020
Bits are fake conversations comedians have because they are uncomfortable being vulnerable with other human beings in any way.
- City
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- Nov 07, 2020
The UCB has long been known as a hub of the best comedy in New York City, but it's never been the most well organized or cared for place in the world.
- Health Insurance
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- Nov 07, 2020
It's a fun uphill struggle, making health insurance as a comedian, actor, and author. But it's hard to explain to people how I make a living. In New York, most people know enough creative types that I make some sense. But when I'm talking to someone like my suburban cousins or my mom's friends, it doesn't always go smoothly.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
As a stand-up, as a storyteller, as an improviser, I've done thousands of shows. They allow me to work out new material that might turn into something later. They let me keep my muscles sharp for when the rent-paying gigs do come along. They keep me sane.
- Like
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- Nov 07, 2020
I feel like a lot of performers' worst shows happened in Philly. There's something about that town.
- Grace
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- Nov 07, 2020
Shows are my saving grace. In between actual jobs, the only thing that keeps me sane is the knowledge that I can go up on stages.
- Like
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- Nov 07, 2020
There are certain fundamental things that scream, 'I just moved to New York.' Things like eating cheesecake at Junior's or heading out to Coney Island to ride the Cyclone.
- Day
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- Nov 07, 2020
In late 2004, I left my much-maligned home state of New Jersey for the supposedly greener pastures of Astoria, Queens. I'd finally be in the mix, living off the subway line, able to go from audition to audition during the day and from late night show to late night show in the wee hours of the morning.
- Live
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- Nov 07, 2020
I had bedbugs in 2005. I felt like a leper. Worse than a leper. At least lepers had a colony they could go and live in with other people who empathized. I instead had friends stand up from tables and walk out of restaurants when I told them I had bedbugs, because they were afraid I'd transfer the bugs to them.
- People
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- Nov 07, 2020
The stereotype of New Yorkers is that we're people who avoid warm human interaction, we're always in too much of a rush to enjoy simple things, and that we're just generally rude.
- Human
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- Nov 07, 2020
Any notable moments spent on a subway usually do nothing more than expose human awfulness at its most pronounced.
- Glass
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- Nov 07, 2020
Public transportation is like a magnifying glass that shows you civilization up close.
- Done
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- Nov 07, 2020
In 2010, I was the star of a sitcom. It came and went pretty fast. But in the months from when I was cast in the sitcom through when it was done airing, my life did change remarkably.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
When my TV show was in production, dozens of women asked me out on Facebook. Some were shy about it; some were blatant. Some I knew, some were total strangers. But they went for it.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
Having money didn't make me less of a socially incapable loser; it just made me a socially incapable loser who wasn't in debt.
- Happy
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- Nov 07, 2020
I'm very happy with my decision to go sober. It's helped my life. It's helped my mental stability.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
When people ask me, 'Why don't you drink?' I usually smile and say 'Because I'm not good at it.'
- Expectations
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- Nov 07, 2020
I've exceeded the expectations people had for me as an unconfident runt who grew up in North Jersey as well as the expectations I had for myself.
- Get
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- Nov 07, 2020