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Burglar Quotes

Burglar Quotes

Sharp lines on thieves, alarms, and second thoughts.

These burglar quotes turn late-night break-ins and screeching alarms into clever one-liners, including a memorable joke comparing a career-shift ex-burglar working for the government to a career change into hosting a talk show. For related musings on retreat, see Back quotes.

Last Updated on May 30, 2021

Opportunity
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Nov 07, 2020

Too often, the opportunity knocks, but by the time you push back the chain, push back the bolt, unhook the two locks and shut off the burglar alarm, it's too late.

Quotes by Rita Coolidge

Even
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Nov 07, 2020

Even a burglar hesitates to go back for more.

Quotes by Isoroku Yamamoto

Government
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Nov 07, 2020

If I can go from burglar for the government to talk show host, you can go from entertainer to congressman.

Quotes by G. Gordon Liddy

Direction
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Nov 07, 2020

I have an unconscious burglar living in my mind: If I read something, it's mine. I can read Middle English stories, Geoffrey Chaucer or Sir Thomas Malory, but once I start moving in the direction of contemporary fantasy, my mind begins to take over.

Quotes by David Eddings

Mind
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Nov 07, 2020

I have an unconscious burglar living in my mind: If I read something, it's mine.

Quotes by David Eddings

Police
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Nov 07, 2020

One time, a burglar came to my apartment, so we called the police. My son was here, so I think they left before they tried to steal something. So the police come to my apartment, and they say, 'Oh my God, did they steal everything?' I was like, 'No, it was like that!'

Quotes by Carine Roitfeld

Nov 07, 2020

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

Quotes by Bill Maher

First Thing
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Nov 07, 2020

If I heard a noise at night, I'd think there was a burglar sneaking around; the first thing I'd do was check on my guitar.

Quotes by Angus Young

Whether it's fumbling with locks and chains before a burglar strikes or a writer's confession about borrowing ideas like an unconscious thief, this collection finds humor in larceny. Pair it with Direction quotes for where these lines lead, or Even quotes for more understated wit.

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