Bill Bailey Quotes

Most Famous Bill Bailey Quotes of All Time!

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Last Updated on May 30, 2021

Great
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Nov 07, 2020

London is a great place to be over Christmas.

Live
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Nov 07, 2020

I used to live on a houseboat near Hammersmith Bridge.

Man
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Nov 07, 2020

As a young man, the temptation was to drink the minibar dry. I did all that - now I prefer to get outdoors.

Danish
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Nov 07, 2020

I discovered I'm 60 per cent Viking. Well, more Danish, I suppose. I'm also two-and-a-half per cent Neanderthal.

Memory
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Nov 07, 2020

My earliest memory is feeling soil between my fingers when I was around three years old.

House
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Nov 07, 2020

I grew up in a little town between Bath and Bristol with my parents and grandparents in the same house. It was rural and idyllic.

Me
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Nov 07, 2020

People perceive me as this kind of hippy intellectual, reflecting and communing with nature or in a pyramid somewhere chanting. Really, no. I love speed, fast things, quad and road bikes, and bombing down a mountain.

Meaning
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Nov 07, 2020

Fatherhood made everything more straightforward. I was relieved that no longer did I have to agonise over what meaning I had in my life.

Nov 07, 2020

If you really push yourself you can perhaps achieve something you didn't think you could.

Doing
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Nov 07, 2020

Comedy can be quite all consuming at times, and if you're not careful you end up doing a tour, then a DVD, then another tour then a DVD. Suddenly the years have just flown by.

Comedy
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Nov 07, 2020

Having a break from comedy is quite good.

Me
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Nov 07, 2020

The point with me is that it's always been, even with the stand-up, that the music has to be right. You have to take it seriously. You have to try and play it as faithfully as possible. That way it helps the comedy. Rather than just playing it in a silly way.

I Am
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Nov 07, 2020

I'm an omnivore, although I am trying to eat less meat. I went vegetarian for about two years, then I suddenly got a craving one morning and that was it.

Enemies
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Nov 07, 2020

The two worst enemies of comedy are lack of sleep and not having had a decent meal.

Like
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Nov 07, 2020

I am pretty laid-back as a parent, but I do like a lot of activity. So I am constantly suggesting things to do that involve some physical activity: cycling, mountain biking and paddleboarding.

Love
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Nov 07, 2020

I love to watch birds and wildlife.

Get
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Nov 07, 2020

I get a lot of nutters in my audiences.

Nov 07, 2020

The Lib Dems are such terrible ditherers.

Game
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Nov 07, 2020

As a comedian and satirist you have to be neutral, because everyone's fair game. Once you show bias, you lose that.

Evil
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Nov 07, 2020

Somehow the Tories have deflected the righteous anger at the bankers who we bailed out. The Tories manage to take that outrage and direct it at benefit claimants. It's genius. Evil genius.

Music
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Nov 07, 2020

My comedy comes from the actual music itself - they're observational musical gags. I could take the music away and it would just be some words.

People
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Nov 07, 2020

I think people are quite refreshed with politicians who aren't concerned with what Arctic Monkeys track they like, but with the day-to-day, dull business of politics.

Nov 07, 2020

I have sold stuff door-to-door, but not doors.

Lonely
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Nov 07, 2020

There is something very poignant about plastic bags. These lonely plastic bags that gradually disintegrate.

Head
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Nov 07, 2020

When I was 15, I went to see the Stranglers at Bath Pavilion. I saw Jean-Jacques Burnel take off his bass and whack a skinhead over the head with it because he gave a Nazi salute. I thought: 'This is brilliant!'

Getting
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Nov 07, 2020

In my twenties, I floated around for years, doing the odd theatre job but mainly leading a hedonistic lifestyle, getting intoxicated in plenty of different ways in plenty of different places.

Knowledge
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Nov 07, 2020

As I get older, I have a very strong urge to know about stuff. I want to learn the names of trees and birds; that's the sort of knowledge I want to pass on to my son.

Eyes
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Nov 07, 2020

At yoga you get some sense of spiritual space so that people don't intrude. You can go there and close your eyes and no one will talk to you. People are too worried about not fainting to bother with some bloke who was on the telly.

Left
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Nov 07, 2020

Comedy should be fluid. It should be both Left and Right wing.

Look
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Nov 07, 2020

Comedy is an indoors thing, so I take every opportunity to go outside. A lot of that involves finding places that are remote, or places where you can look at birds, or do mountain biking or paddle boarding or walking.

Ascribe
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Nov 07, 2020

One of the things I do really appreciate is that my audiences tend to be a wide range of ages and backgrounds, and I ascribe that to putting in the hours.

Nov 07, 2020

If I'm a national treasure, does that mean I'm like the Elgin Marbles and will get repatriated at some point?

Me
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Nov 07, 2020

The worst thing is when people try and take pictures surreptitiously. I always say, 'Look, you can ask me for a photograph. You will get a much better one than just the side of my face.' Sometimes they just run off. They can't cope.

Everything
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Nov 07, 2020

All kinds of things have gone into my shows - cajun and rock bands, Bollywood, Kraftwerk tributes, effects and so on. As long as it services the comedy, everything is up for grabs.

Future
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Nov 07, 2020

I realised that the 'future' is different to how I imagined it. When I was a kid I thought it would be a bright, shiny Tomorrow's World. It isn't.

Nov 07, 2020

In a way, I wish none of it had ever happened - Facebook, Twitter - if it had never happened the world would have just carried on serenely. It's utterly redundant and yet we all have to be involved in it somehow.

Doctor
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Nov 07, 2020

My grandparents lived with us. And I remember watching 'Doctor Who' with my granddad on his new telly. These were the days before remote controls but my granddad, being quite a resourceful sort of chap, had fashioned his own remote control - which was a length of bamboo pole with a bit of cork that he'd glued on the end.

Nov 07, 2020

Paddle boarding: it's the closest you get to walking on water.

Nov 07, 2020

Normally, with stand-up, it's quite solitary, you write the material on your own, you perform it on your own, it's all very much on you. Your own thoughts. You have to sort of modulate your own performance.

Long
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Nov 07, 2020

For me, audio books was about when you can't actually physically get hold of a book, like when you're driving. It's a fantastic companion on a long journey.

Nov 07, 2020

A lot of the time, you need to find the right home for ideas. You know, sometimes you think 'oh this'd be a sitcom, oh, no it wouldn't, it'd be a drama, or an educational thing, or a doco or something.' I've got loads of ideas and you just have to keep sending them and pitching them.

Nov 07, 2020

You spend a lot more time on your own as an only child. And there's space to allow your imagination to take flight.

Me
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Nov 07, 2020

At school, I was bored with the teachers, and there were moments where I felt they were singling me out.

Say
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Nov 07, 2020

I don't think any comic could say there isn't a bit of them that doesn't want to show off.

Foolhardy
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Nov 07, 2020

You have to have a thick skin, yes. If you're going to do something as foolhardy as standup, you've got to be able to take it on the chin if someone has a go at you.

Like
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Nov 07, 2020

I quite like confounding people's expectations.

Life
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Nov 07, 2020

I think that generally there's a pressure to live the best life you can.

Music
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Nov 07, 2020

I'm one for new things: I like new technology, I like new music, I'm not entrenched in some view of what culture should be. I like the fact that it's constantly changing and that language is changing, that behaviour changes.

Life
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Nov 07, 2020

I think happiness really happens when you least expect it: it's when you're not really thinking about it, when you're not trying to achieve it, when you're not trying to get the perfect holiday, the perfect life, the perfect body, the perfect existence.

Look
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Nov 07, 2020

People are obsessed by how I look.

Comedy
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Nov 07, 2020

Twenty-two years I've been doing this comedy lark, so it's been like a meteoric rise to fame... if the meteor was being dragged by an arthritic donkey across a ploughed field, in northern Poland.

Art
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Nov 07, 2020

If you're going to perform, you're going to attract criticism. You can't please everyone all the time. You don't know how things are going to come out. But that's part of the fun of it, the adventure of doing any kind of art.

Myself
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Nov 07, 2020

I didn't have any brothers or sisters, so I did a lot of stuff where I entertained myself playing games, reading a lot, a lot of fantasy novel stuff.

Culture
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Nov 07, 2020

I think gaming has influenced popular culture in a huge way. It's worked its way into novels, and blockbuster movies.

People
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Nov 07, 2020

When you're a birder, you have all sorts of reference books, and you know about migratory patterns and technical stuff. Most people just look out the window, and say 'is that a pigeon?'

Gaming
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Nov 07, 2020

Films and gaming are blurring together, and it makes for brilliant popcorn entertainment.

Music
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Nov 07, 2020

I play the piano and that's how I learned about music. I then taught myself the guitar, drums, percussion and various other things, such as the bazooka, the mandolin, the Theremin, the alpine horn, the didgeridoo.

Nov 07, 2020

The devil's in the detail and sometimes if you're thinking too big, you can miss the detail.

Experience
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Nov 07, 2020

In 1994 I was doing a two-hander with Sean Lock in Edinburgh and there were more people in the cast than the audience. It was pretty grim, quite a chastening experience.

Always
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Nov 07, 2020

I've always been reasonably upbeat about most things.

Envious
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Nov 07, 2020

I've always been envious of certainty, of people who always seemed to have a plan for their lives.

Hate
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Nov 07, 2020

I hate getting ill, it irritates me so I try to stay reasonably healthy.

Doing
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Nov 07, 2020

I've started doing Bikram yoga. You're in a boiling hot room, bending over pretending to be a locust, you can't do that at the gym.

Feel
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Nov 07, 2020

I used to like beer, but it makes me feel slightly queasy.

Enough Money
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Nov 07, 2020

I said to my wife that if I had enough money I'd have my arms lengthened. Slightly longer arms would be great.

Always
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Nov 07, 2020

I don't like labels. I have always fought against that as a stand-up.

Me
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Nov 07, 2020

There was something about stand-up that music wouldn't give me, which was my love of the spoken word and the mercurial tendency of language to respond to what happens to you.

First
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Nov 07, 2020

My grandparents would have big, long arguments that were entertaining and that's where I first noticed, and was thrilled by, political discourse.

Name
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Nov 07, 2020

It's been Bill for so long people think my name is William, but it's not, it's Mark.

Enlightenment
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Nov 07, 2020

We live in the age of entitlement, as opposed to enlightenment.

Meaning
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Nov 07, 2020

If you become famous but haven't actually achieved anything, then your life has no real meaning - unless you're spectacularly shallow.

Control
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Nov 07, 2020

I'm really grateful for the fact that I have full artistic control over my career. I can choose what film or TV projects I'm interested in doing.

Look
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Nov 07, 2020

Great music and great artists create their own music and look and are not manufactured.

Lose
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Nov 07, 2020

Some musicians are a bit humourless about their art: they lose sight of the fact that as well as exercising their muse, they're there to entertain.

Feel
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Nov 07, 2020

Now, with the success of musical comedy like the Mighty Boosh, Flight of the Conchords and Bo Burnham, I feel vindicated.

Country
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Nov 07, 2020

I had this plan that David Byrne was going to come through the West Country one day, think, 'Who's that guy?' and ask me to go on tour with them.

Nov 07, 2020

I was always part of the end-of-term review at school. We would mercilessly mock any slight weakness in the teachers.

Nov 07, 2020

When you say 'Hello Wembley!' you're not just saying hello to a large shed. You're saying, 'Hello, I'm following all the greats that have played here before.'

Done
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Nov 07, 2020

I was asked to perform at the Olympics Opening Ceremony. But I was up a tree in Borneo filming a documentary about Alfred Russel Wallace! So it couldn't be done.

Place
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Nov 07, 2020

When the sun shines in Britain there's no finer place on Earth.

Nov 07, 2020

I have anti-establishment hair.

Grandfather
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Nov 07, 2020

My grandfather had strong opinions. He was an argumentative character and quite staunchly socialist.

House
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Nov 07, 2020

My mother was a classic matriarchal figure. She'd sing round the house and always had music on.

Me
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Nov 07, 2020

I was an only child but I never longed for a sibling. It just didn't occur to me.

Nov 07, 2020

Family helps you make clearer choices about things. Your priorities become clearer. Your obligations become clearer, and that is something I welcome.

Beyond
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Nov 07, 2020

We are almost in a time beyond jokes, beyond satire. When the Trump era is called the 'post-truth' period, then this is the greatest joke of all, albeit quite depressing.

People
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Nov 07, 2020

Doing comedy around the world is a way of finding out how people tick.

Footprints
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Nov 07, 2020

I did a show in this tiny town called Longyearbyen. We went snowmobiling around Svalbard and saw Arctic foxes, snow bunting, polar bear footprints and almost got lost in a blizzard.

Great
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Nov 07, 2020

Melbourne has great eateries and you can go birdwatching.

Humour
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Nov 07, 2020

The Dutch do have a slightly odd sense of humour.

Me
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Nov 07, 2020

There was an existential moment - I don't know if I want to call it crisis - when I turned 50 and I felt 'this is interesting; how did this happen?' It affected me in a way I wasn't expecting. It made me pause for reflection.

Nov 07, 2020

I prefer the simple things and I love walking in the countryside, or going camping... but simplicity is hard. It's easier to over-complicate things.

Moment
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Nov 07, 2020

Riding a horse and using a phone camera is tricky but if you don't take pictures or record the moment, you lose it. You want to have a record of it.

Hate
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Nov 07, 2020

I hate all those celebrity sculptures like Tussauds, where everyone is dressed in spangly suits and they are all smiling.

Charming
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Nov 07, 2020

I met Amy Winehouse a few times and she was always funny, charming and self-deprecating - just a delight to be around.

Nov 07, 2020

I was asked to do an ad campaign for a supermarket once. I was baffled. It's strange when you realise your popularity or reputation is a marketable commodity; it's a stock, a currency.

Nov 07, 2020

When I was in Cardiff, playing with the National Orchestra of Wales, they said they get letters from people complaining if they're smiling during the concert. Nuts, isn't it? As if you have to respect the solemnity of the music by not smiling. Music is this joyful thing that enriches our lives, and you're not supposed to smile?

God
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Nov 07, 2020

It's a lovely moment when everyone's part of something greater than the sum of its parts. That encapsulates what a comedy gig should be, with the comic as the lightning rod, the Norse mischief god, getting the audience to do something they wouldn't necessarily do.

Dream
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Nov 07, 2020

But being in 'Doctor Who' is a dream come true. I've been a fan since I can remember watching TV.

Go
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Nov 07, 2020

You have to go to Scotland at all times of the year - in order to appreciate the times when the sun does come out.

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