- Bad
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- Nov 07, 2020
Top 10 Demetri Martin Quotes
Most Famous Top 10 Demetri Martin Quotes of All Time!
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- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- Just
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- Nov 07, 2020
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
- I Am
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- Nov 07, 2020
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
- Laugh
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- Nov 07, 2020
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.
- I Am
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- Nov 07, 2020