- Grow
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
Paula Poundstone Quotes
Most Famous Paula Poundstone Quotes of All Time!
We have created a collection of some of the best paula-poundstone quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. Share our Top 10 Paula Poundstone Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
- Last Updated on May 30, 2021
- Feeling
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
- Face
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.
- Mom
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'
- Done
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.
- Nov 07, 2020
How do you come back? It's one step at a time. I'm optimistic because I don't know what else to be.
- Humor
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.
- Family
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by television.
- Life
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.
- Love
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.
- Life
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I only do two things in my life, and that's take care of my kids and work. Fortunately, these are my favorite things to do, so it works out.
- Big
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
President Obama could keep a big map with push pins on it to keep track of how many countries hate us, and when we get down to only half, let's have a ball. I'll blow up the balloons myself.
- Forest
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.
- Jump
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
When we live up to our Constitution, let's form a Conga line around the Capitol and bungee jump off the dome.
- High School
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.
- Funny
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.
- Box
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I'm thankful for Sarah Palin's vice presidential bid, which taught us that Alaska is not in a box off the coast of California.
- Flight
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.
- New
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I'm really more prolific than most stand-ups. My act changes. I do fold in new experiences, new observations, whatever you want to call it.
- Me
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
When I sat down to write I just felt like a geek writing about myself. And then it dawned on me, just because of the way I am, I can't stop talking, and part of the problem is that anything that gets said reminds me of something that happened to me one time, and invariably I cut people off and talk about myself.
- Night
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I did auditions at a club called the Comedy Connection. They wanted nothing to do with me. But one night they were doing a night of all women comics, and they invited me to do that.
- Day
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded.
- Know
- |
- Nov 07, 2020
I also like a great Caesar salad with anchovies, although I don't know why some places say 'with anchovies.' If you're making a proper Caesar salad, it's going to have anchovies.
- Cats
- |
- Nov 07, 2020