Jon Stewart Quotes

Most Famous Jon Stewart Quotes of All Time!

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Last Updated on May 30, 2021

Dreams
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Nov 07, 2020

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

Canada
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Nov 07, 2020

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

Legal
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Nov 07, 2020

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.

Enemy
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Nov 07, 2020

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.

Opposition
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Nov 07, 2020

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.

Looking
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Nov 07, 2020

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Nov 07, 2020

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.

Chance
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Nov 07, 2020

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.

Internet
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Nov 07, 2020

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.

Freedom
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Nov 07, 2020

If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.

Just
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Nov 07, 2020

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.'

Born
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Nov 07, 2020

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

Hell
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Nov 07, 2020

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

Death Penalty
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Nov 07, 2020

McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.

Nov 07, 2020

If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.

Food
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Nov 07, 2020

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

I Can
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Nov 07, 2020

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

Looking
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Nov 07, 2020

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?

House
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Nov 07, 2020

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

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