- Know
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- Nov 07, 2020
Certified Quotes
Some things get certified; some just get claimed.
One line jokes about never arguing hostility with a certified Freudian, another walks through the formality of a certified Electoral College winner. Pair these with Activity quotes for more dry humor.
- Last Updated on Jul 31, 2026
- Me
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- Nov 07, 2020
When I opened the world's largest Internet cafe, certified by the 'Guinness Book of Records,' in Times Square in New York, I was live on 'Good Morning America,' and for me, that was an achievement.
- Funny
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- Nov 07, 2020
This satire business, that was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. I was certified funny. From then on, I had to be funny - people expected it. Twice the work for the same pay.
- King
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- Nov 07, 2020
I am, of course, directly descended from Brian Boru, the last king of Ireland, a fact certified by my mother and therefore beyond dispute. But as everybody else with a drop of Irish blood in his carcass is also a guaranteed descendant of the old billy goat, I am not overly arrogant because of this royal strain.
- Learning
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- Nov 07, 2020
Of course everybody's thinking evolves over time. Only dead people cease learning, and I am not certified dead yet. So I am still learning.
- Go
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- Nov 07, 2020
I would anticipate that the Electoral College will be held on the 13th of December, and our 20 electorate votes will go to the certified winner.
- Idiot
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- Nov 07, 2020
If you're the handsome white guy, you tend to get cast as guys who are meant to be convincing in their jobs. What I've been fortunate enough to do, whether it's playing a certified idiot on '30 Rock' or a weirdo in 'Bridesmaids,' is play against that in a lot of ways.
- I Am
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- Nov 07, 2020
For a while after college, I was thinking of becoming a fitness trainer, and I am a certified aqua trainer.
- Doing
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- Nov 07, 2020
When someone builds a bridge, he uses engineers who have been certified as knowing what they are doing. Yet when someone builds you a software program, he has no similar certification, even though your safety may be just as dependent upon that software working as it is upon the bridge supporting your weight.
- Back To School
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- Nov 07, 2020
My father, a math professor in Hong Kong, worked as an electrical engineer here. My mother was an art teacher, but once we came to the United States, she went back to school and became certified as a special-education teacher.
- Formal Education
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- Nov 07, 2020
When I was supposed to go to a certified kindergarten that's supposed to teach you actual things like how to read, I went to a daycare that my parents thought was a kindergarten. I was Crayola-ing inside the lines with no fundamental education at all. So I walked into the first grade with no formal education at all.
- I Am
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- Nov 07, 2020
I am a certified yoga teacher and I love to cycle and swim.
- Accounting
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- Nov 07, 2020
I was never a Certified Public Accountant... I just had a degree in accounting. The reason I was never a Certified Public Accountant was because it would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.
- Activity
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- Nov 07, 2020